The Grand Ol Snouter: Seventh Edition

Houdsimo claimed another five victims last night after a spice challenge got out of control.
An Alveridge General Hospital spokesman confirmed five hounds had undergone emergency throat transplants after an evening at the Tandoori Tower restaurant on Harbour Road.
The five were part of a group of work colleagues on a birthday party outing.
They decided to test Tandoori Towers’ reputation for the hottest curry in all Alveridge, and apparently egged each other on, according to restaurant manager Kamahl Turmeric.
“We issue a warning with every meal but these hounds were out to prove who had the strongest throat,” he said.
“I made sure they signed the disclaimer before I served them and I have it in the safe,” he said.
The 22-strong group of eaters drunk a vast quantity of Speckled Wilk before arriving at Tandoori Towers.
As the meals were served with increasing degrees of spice, the diners gradually dwindled to the last five, which was when the trouble started.
“The fattest one demanded our speciality, Internal Napalm. I could tell he had already gone too far, but once he ordered, the rest of them followed suit,” said Mr Turmeric.
“Amazingly that seemed to go down alright, although they all hit the button for emergency water from our special hoses in the ceiling,” he added.
“But then they ordered a round of Nuke Chapattis with Big Bang sauce, and I knew we were in for trouble.”
Mr Turmeric called the ambulances as he served the meal and they arrived in time to see one hound tryin to throttle himself, to stop the spice heading any further down his throat.
“It was carnage really. They were in a terrible state. But we are still open seven days a week for lunch and dinner,” added Mr Turmeric.
The transplants were carried out by specialty teams at the hospital, using the latest in blubber prosthetic throats, and all five patients are described as ‘comfortable’.

New signing

While Lonely Dog takes the music industry by storm with his own, unique style, the easy listening market has a new rising star.
Derek Drole, a long-eared spaniel, was scratching a living as a pianohound in a drive-in cocktail bar when he was discovered.
Entrepreneur Bonzo Scout had only stopped off for a quick Wilk shandy when he decided the sad-eyed hound had something to offer, and signed him up there and then.

Within minutes, Drole was recording his first album, Sweet Corn with a little Cheese, which was released three days later.
The combination of his early evening style and a selection of well-worn syrupy love ballads was an instant hit Catside, and Drole and Scout found themselves with a best-seller on their hands.
Since then, in the last fortnight they’ve produced two more albums, Velvet Wallpaper and Uber-Schmaltz, and sales have gone into the stratosphere.
Purists needn’t worry though. Even though Drole’s records are giving Lonely Dog sales a run for their money the Midsummer Madness Festival committee is politely declining to say whether he’ll be invited to entertain the crowds at Marmalade Hill.

An inside source says Drole may be invited to play on the children’s stage at bed-time, to ensure everybody gets a good night’s sleep but that rumour is unconfirmed.

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